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BRITTANY LUPPY UNCENSORED

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DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Troopers, Doctors, & Craziness O My!”

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As I lay in the hospital bed staring at my mother letting the tears just roll down my cheek all I could wonder was why was my husband in jail? As any wife would, I went through my head just trying to find something that we had done that was so wrong. What had we done that was such a bad thing that resulted in him being in jail? Nothing came to mind because we have been living the right life. I still could not find my phone, but my mom did hand me my purse. Later on in this series you’ll find out the importance of me getting my purse in my hospital bed and where my phone was at.  I remember at some point while in and out of consciousness on opiates I was frantically searching for my phone and could not find it. 

I didn’t have much time with my mom alone before the Arkansas State Trooper walked in my hospital room.  No one likes to see a big brimmed hat of an Arkansas State Trooper walk in, but when it’s a female state trooper and you’re a female in the hospital bed you know you’re in deep doo-doo.  With my straight poker face on I was still racking my brain for what we had done that was illegal, and still nothing came up.  Cringing in pain the state troopers started asking me many many questions.

The first thing I get questioned about is the meth and needles found in the car. Now I want you to know something, my mother was in the room as I’m getting questioned and she’s a Christian woman.  The words I said in front of my Mama were very un-Christian like, but opiates kind of make you really blunt.  I told that state trooper that was false and I knew it was false! That there was no fucking way they found needles and meth in the car! I remember I just kept yelling fuck no I know there was nothing in there.  I even started demanding a urinalysis test right then and there! I looked directly at my mom and said give me that damn piss test! I know I’m clean!

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My mom knew I was serious because of my repeated use of the forbidden F WORD!  Never had I spoke like that in front of my mother. Not to mention, I could feel my right eyebrow raising which meant she knew I was beyond pissed.  All I can say is thank goodness I was in so much pain I couldn’t move because I was livid!

I then start getting questioned about other items in our car by the Arkansas State Trooper.  I keep telling this dumb broad that it wasn’t our car!  It was my friend’s vehicle which belonged to his mother.  The trooper explains to me that she found a marijuana pipe and an empty pill bottle in the back of the car.  I calmly explain back to this dumb trooper that the woman’s car we were driving had stage 4 brain cancer so it was probably her’s.  The only answer I can give this Trooper is I don’t know. 

Finally the trooper exited my room. Never have I been so insulted! I had just mourned the loss of my family, and she had no regard for my emotions and no sympathy.  I’m all jacked up on all kinds of opiates, and you’re asking me some crazy questions about a car crash that I was asleep in when it happened!  Is this how you treat all your victims was what I was thinking. 

So one would think things couldn’t possibly get worse right? Oh how wrong you are…

DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Everyone Died”

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When I woke up in the hospital room I was in so much pain.  The pain made my
c-section & breast augmentation felt nothing in comparison to the searing pain running through my left shoulder.  I’m looking around.  I’m no dumbass, so I automatically see that I’m in a hospital bed. 

I’m running through my mind as to what the heck was going on.  Desperately racking every corner of my mind for a clue to what the freak was going on!  I’m not able to move because of the pain & tubes running everywhere.  I’m beginning to wonder about my family.  Where’s my baby? Where’s my boo? Where’s my mom & dad? 

A walks nurses to my room.  I’m desprately asking what the heck was going on.  I was told I was in a car crash.  They then handed me a mirror to see this…

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I realize the burning on my neck was the skin I was missing.  I’m still really curious as to why my shoulder hurts, where’s my daughter, & where’s my hubby? 

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I felt so alone.  All I was told was there was a car crash.  They never answered my questions about my family.  I mean, I don’t remember them being with me nor do I remember a crash, but I would have never not been with them or them not with me!  It was that very moment my heart sank.  I could feel my soul break in half.  I was the only survivor!  I had just lost my best friend & love, my dear husband.  I had lost my baby angel, my pride, my joy, my angelic daughter. 

I grieved for what seemed like forever.  I know not the time or how long that clock ticked, but I mourned long enough to think about what I was going to go through. 

My heart hurt, & I just wanted my mommy.  They had no clue to where I was.  I had lost my cell phone in the may lay.  I could only lay there a cry my eyes out while being screwed up beyond comprehension on opiates.  The one time opiates were my best friend.  Too bad all the morphine, percocets, & dalaudid never began to help the pain in my left shoulder! 

At some point I cried myself back to sleep. 

DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “A Series of Unfortunate Events”

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As we head down the road with one headlight, somehow we got turned around. Please, let’s not forget we are flatlanders not hillbillies. We head the wrong way going back to where we just came from. It was very dark outside because there’s no lights in the hills & woods. We had 1 headlight trying to navigate these winding hill infested roads.

My husband looked down to his phone to pull up yahoo maps, & swerved across the double yellow lines in a small town we were passing through. Of course, here comes the lights and sirens. The officer pulls us over asking for all our identification. As we hand him all the id’s; he then pulls my husband out of the car for a sobriety check. A sobriety check was to be suspected seeing as he crossed a double yellow. After passing the follow the light game, the stand & count game, & 2 breathalyzers later he was deemed completely sober. My husband then preceeds to ask the officer how to get back to the bootheel of Missouri. He let’s us know we were heading the wrong way, & tells us which way to go. So again the four of us push onward to our journey home with 1 headlight on a Chevy Malibu.

Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep in the car unbuckled. I never can sleep in the car for fear of a wreck while I am asleep. I will also confess a small part of that is a biproduct of me being so controlling about making sure I’m awake to yell at the driver if I get my butt hole puckered.

MY OPINIONS: How I Deal With Haters

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The internet these days makes cyberbullying entirely too easy. Not only do young pre-teens do it, but I’ve seen grown adults act much worse than young children. Anyone with any sort of attention will always have a hater. Someone will hate on you for what you’re wearing. Someone will tell you are too fat, and in the same breath also tell someone they’re too skinny. In today’s society perfection is what everyone is after after, and much too often perfection is unrealistic.

I’ve had my fair share of cyber cyberbullying. I’ve had people simply want to be my friend on Facebook to troll and see what’s going on in my life. In my opinion, if they’re checking up on you so much at least that means you’re relevant.

I’ve had friends say I’ve changed maybe they’re unhappy they didn’t change. Maybe the haters are just simply disappointed in themselves because they stayed the same. I did change, just like anyone with ambition would. Anyone with ambition would never want to stay the same! I’ve changed everything about me. I have no desire to conform to anyone else’s wishes, & absolutely no desire to fit in. But I do have every desire within myself to improve myself.

I’ve had people laugh at my goals and dreams and say that they’re stupid. I’ve been told I have nothing more than pipe dreams. Maybe those people that are saying those things are just simply embarrassed that they don’t have any. Maybe I remind them of what weakness is. Maybe I’m reminding them of what weakness is, & that reminds them of who they are.

People like to say they know how I am. If they did know me they would know several facts about me. No one has ever asked me about my desire, my discipline, my willingness to sacrifice, or my willingness to work past dead. No one has ever thought to ask me what is it I’m willing to do to make it. If they had they would have kept quiet.

On the Dallas Cowboys locker room wall, in Cowboys Stadium, there’s a sign that have to slap before going onto the field. The sign states “Be your best regardless of the circumstances.” This is true about integrity; no matter what circumstance you may be in that does not dictate who you are in morality and inside your heart.

MY ADVICE ABOUT BULLYING!
there’s an old African proverb that states if there is no enemy within the enemy outside can do is no harm. Sometimes enemies are on the outside. The enemies can be family members or friends who tell you can’t. They think they know what’s best for you, and that you’re crazy for chasing your dreams. They think it’s in your best interest to live a safe life, and they want you to be average. You have to let go of these enemies, and it’s very hard. You just always need to remember it’s much harder living a lot less than your own expectations.

If you constantly surround yourself with cynical and negative people you will eventually adopt their habits. These habits can kill you! You need to align yourself with powerful people. You need to associate with people that are within the world that you live. Align yourself with those that Empower, and courage, or you can grow from.

Just remember to always dream. Dream like me, always searching for greatness. Always strive to be on top in life because it’s the bottom that’s always crowded.
You’re the producer and star of your own life. You and only you will decide if it’s a smash or a flop.

It’s better to walk alone and be successful. It’s a lot better to walk alone and be successful, than those that wander aimlessly through life and get absolutely nowhere. I’m always telling myself I know I’m better than them. I know I’m greater. Without them it wouldn’t blessing to me. Because without them I wouldn’t keep on growing.

You’re not a doormat, so stop letting them wipe dirt all over your face. It’s not their job to believe in you, don’t let them look down on you. Stand Tall, walk strong, and hold your own. There’s no one above or below you.

Even the most famous people have haters. I’m going to leave you with a link below of Dana Bailey and how she responds to haters. In the video she shows clips of things that people have left for her on Facebook or about her on Facebook. Some of these things you’ll read will absolutely shocked you, but her response to it is absolutely amazing!

http://https://youtu.be/v_FbBNsVcGI

PERSONAL DIARY: Family Scare

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May 2, 2016

I hit the gym hard today.  Yesterday’s accomplishments were amazing so today was delts!  Half way into my Rob Bailey playlist I recieved a phone call from my hubby saying my daddy had been trying to reach me.  So I immediately call him, ceasing all training at that very moment.  I was told Mama requested my presence at home.  So I rushed over.

Once there I walk in and she looks horrible!  I take her spo2, hbpm, & BP constantly.  I took a dehydration skin test.  Instantly I knew she was dehydrated.  My dad & I tried to get her to sit up.  Her vertigo was so bad, the sitting up motion made her vomit.  The part that hit me hard as a daughter, was the fact I had to help hold her up to puke. I for the first time saw her as old, kind of  like I had done as a young girl with my own mother helping my grandmother.  It was a major shock to me to see her that way.

My dad was scared & in no position to make decisions because of his concern for my mom; so I decided to make the decision to get an ambulance.  My mom didn’t want 911 called because last time some woman who owns the Facebook group “The Clink” put it out in the group because she heard it on the scanner.  So my dad offered to drive down the street to the ambulance station.  I told him let me go and him stay with her.  As I’m exiting the front door I thought I could drive or run.  I decided it was quicker to run.  I run 5ks, so why not!  So I ran, I don’t know if it was adrenaline or what, but that was the fastest I’ve ever ran. 

The ambulance arrives, no lights or sirens. The EMTs could get the stretcher down the hallway, but could not get it into her bedroom. So they had to pick my mom up by her bed sheet and place her onto the gurney.  They wheel her out the front door and place her in the ambulance.

My dad in the meantime is frantically trying to get dressed and get her things together. He did not know what pants or shirt, makeup, and other female items to get her. So I got all the items together and pack them for him.

As my father and I start to walk out the front door I hear him say something that absolutely broke my heart. He exclaims one of these days we’re going to be taken away and one of us won’t be coming back. He then proceeded to tear up. I let him have his space , and we both parted ways and I went back home to get my husband and daughter while he went to the hospital. 

We went to the hospital & met my dad. As of now the cause is unknown, and I’ll continue to pray.

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PERSONAL DIARY: The Guy That Grunts To Get Attention In The Gym

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May 14, 2016

My husband had planned on helping my sister move her stuff into her new home in Jonesboro, Arkansas today.  So me being the PR person I know I can be decided to also plan ahead to work.  We all know my work consists of training mostly, so I decided to go to the gym my husband & I visited together before we were married.  I send out a notice via Facebook I was going to train not thinking much more about it.  I just wanted someone to train with was why I posted it, lame I know right!

As we roll into Jonesboro I see my alumni, my old school, where I got my college degree, Arkansas State University!  O! The fun my family had there at tailgates & football games.  I’m at the same moment preparing myself for what I’m about to have to do.

As I roll into the parking lot of the gym; I look at the huge building in front of me, and it is somewhat intimidating due to the fact in our small hometown gyms don’t look like this.  It’s not like I haven’t been in this gym a million times before, but it still intimidated me.

I first go in the women’s only weight room just to get adjusted. I do my stretching and a few machine weights in that room alone. I then noticed something funny to myself; 4 girls have trickled in, in the time I have been in this woman’s only weight room.  Out of the four girls that were in the weight room while I was in there two remained when I left.  The first girl did each machine for 5 seconds then left for the women’s locker room never to be seen again. I wondered to myself how could she possibly have gotten anything accomplished so I assumed I would see her again at some other part of the gym.  Another girl entered and she was in there approximately 10 minutes. I did pass judgment on her thinking the same as I did before with the other lady. Have you know, the second lady I met in the lady’s room, was up in the coed machine weight room. So I was wrong for passing judgment on her period she was there doing the same thing I was. Again, the second lady who entered the ladies locker room with me, was in the cardio area when I was up there. The girl that was on the machines for five seconds each time was never to be seen again.

I make my way down to the coed free weight room. Note I am the only female in this entire area. Given! that most gyms I visit, there’s always that one guy who wants to try to help you because he thinks you know absolutely diddly-squat about anything. I’ve become the queen of bitchery, so I always have a witty sarcastic comeback.

Most of the guys left me alone in the coed free weight room. But yet there’s always that one guy who seems to need to grunt like he’s constipated trying to pass a brick every time he lifts a weight.   Now I’m here to tell you he was grunting  excessively!  It wasn’t because he was actually putting out maximum effort, but rather he was trying to grab my attention.  Note again, had he been hot I could have tolerated the annoying grunts.    So to avoid this annoying behavior, I moved to the other side of the free weight room to do a bit of rowing action.  Rowing is the one thing I can’t do in my home gym so I was taking full advantage of this machine.  Here comes up Mr. Gruntfest!  After eight sets of rowing action; I then move back over to where I was at on the freeweights on the other side of the room.  So while I’m doing plate rows he then follows me back over there where I’m at.  He was like a bad case of herpes that I just couldn’t seem to get rid of.  I leave and go upstairs to the cardio area to do some stair climbing.  Thinking I had gotten rid of my case of herpes.

My goal in the workout was 17 flights of stairs. Guess who shows up? Mr. Gruntastic himself.  It took me 5 minutes to do 17 flights of stairs. When I saw him step up on the treadmill next to me, I kicked the level of the speed up about 9 notches.  Then I left.

I did what I came to do. I lifted weights really well I was pleased with my work ethic. I enjoyed seeing the friends that showed up. I did not expect anyone to show up actually, but the fact people did show up just to train with me made me feel fantastic!

Gentlemen, I have one bit of advice for you in the gym. To get the ladies, don’t get behind her or beside her and grunt every time you left the damn weight.  To follow her around the entire gym says you’re a stalker.

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PERSONAL DIARY: Leg Day Sucked Not Sucked

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APRIL 6, 2016

Today was really hard.  My motivation was low.  On some days my mind says you need to workout, but then just simply has problems executing the task.  It’s a side effect of Bi-polar. 

Drug ass all day, but once I got my child home & my hubby settled, I made myself get up & go do leg day.  My effort wasn’t what it normally is, but at least I got it done. 

I got a new deadlift 1RM of 100 pounds! That was a plus, but my squats suffered.  I guess what I did is better than nothing. Nothing is worse than dealing with your own inner voice nagging at yourself about what you didn’t do.  At least I will be able to sleep tonight.   

MY OPINIONS: “Skinny Shaming”

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When I think of skinny or fat shaming I think of an old Britney Spears song “Piece of Me”.
The link to the video:

I have never been one to support any type of shaming.  I never liked being called fat and I sure as heck don’t like being called skinny. 

When I was in highschool I was a very high quality athlete.  I was always small.  At 10% body fat, I weighed 100 pounds & could grab rim on the high school basketball goal in the gym.  I was solid muscle and a very small girl, but you could call me mighty mouse. 

When I had my daughter I was 180 pounds after birth.  I struggled to even look at myself in the mirror.  I felt as if I looked like a fat cow.  My hubby never made me feel anything less than a MILF.  I got called fat, was bullied on MySpace (2006), & eventually moved to Texas because of the bullying. 

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The picture in the top left, I thought I had seriously lost weight, & finally comfortable with wearing a bikini outside.  I was slip and sliding with my child when I hear a neighbor yell I’m a fat whore.  My daughter heard it.  I was completely mortified & pissed.  So I kicked in gear the start of my hard journey ahead. 

The top right I was making progress.  Never had anyone bother me for my weight then or in the bottom left picture (The 2014 Bezerker Mud Run), but the bottom right picture to the present time has been filled with skinny shaming. 

I lost millions of friends when I lost weight, & what was once not acceptable “fat shaming” has turned into “Skinny shaming”.  I have had people say I’m on drugs, anorexic, & so on.  To work so hard to look the way I do, it hurt to be told I was on drugs.

Even the “fat” (I prefer unhealthy) family members love to skinny shame.  So when I think if the song I think “She’s to big now she’s to thin”.

Why is it OK to call small petite people skinny & us small people aren’t allowed to say fat?  It hurts both ways, no matter how you say it!  Do you know why the person is skinny? Maybe the person is struggling with stress, PTSD, depression, a medical issue, ect.  Just like I wouldn’t know why someone is over weight, you don’t know why a skinny person is the size they are.  In my case, me being fat was because I was lazy, pure honesty. 

I want people to think before speaking, because unless you know the person personally you don’t know the struggles they are under.  Like mama always says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

PERSONAL DIARY: THE BEGINNING OF THE 12 WEEK BULKING PHASE

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APRIL 3, 2016

Today I started my 12 week bulking plan that I carefully planned out myself.  The entire 12 week program is based around my body’s natural female menstrual cycle.  To maximize when my estrogen is at its lowest & my testosterone is at its highest.  I planned carefully around the time of the month a female is also most susceptible to injuries based on that menstrual cycle.  Program: bodyspace: skinny girl problems by: Bootheel Fitness

So today was the kickoff of my program I planned all by myself.  I took my before pictures to post to see if my plan works when the after pics are done.  I planned this program in a total of 9 hours worked, accumulated.  When I started I thought I can do this, but then half way through my internal monolog kicked in.  Thinking to myself, “I think your eyes were bigger than you stomach girl!”  In other words, you really wanted to see how far you could push yourself, & you may have over thought your capabilities. 

I thought of a person I truly look up to when that negative thought crossed my mind.  That person was Dana Bailey.  Jamming to her hubby, Rob Bailey, I said to myself, “Hell no!  Days off I don’t play that shit!” I then started to really push myself hard!  You could say beast most engaged. 

This was just workout 1 of 2.  Yeah, I start off with an easy 2 a day for the first day of a program.  A 2 a day can weed out the week, & we are here for results baby! This workout was deltoid only! I pushed through and completed 1 of 2. Thought I couldn’t do it, but I did & what! Boom! Ranked it 10/10 on my bodyspace account.  Bodyspace: BootheelFitness or my name.

Waited 1.5 hours & started workout number two!  This workout focused on my lats and traps aka back.  I did not finish all of exercise 3 because I made a superset of 3 exercises.  I will retry this workout again and try again to see if I can finish the challenge I set forth before myself.  I’m a perfectionist in most everything I do. 

I finished with my hubby sitting in the gym cheering me on to finish.  It was nice having him there cheering me on.  I think it really did help push me further.  He’s a great hubby like that.  I finished my last exercise strong. I was pleased with my effort.  Gave this second workout another 10/10 on effort. 

HERE’S TODAY’S WORKOUTS (DLT):
workout 1-deltoids aka shoulders

SUPERSET: DB Arnold Press/Band Pull Apart
S=sets     R=reps    W=weight  

S-4
W-15 R-15/W-8 R-15
W-15 R-10/W-8 R-15
W-15 R-8/W-8 R-15
W-15 R-12/W-8 R-15

DB Seated Bent Over Rear Delt Raise
S-6
W-5 R-15
W-5 R-15
W-5 R-15
W-5 R-10
W-5 R-10
W-5 R-12

SUPERSET: Front DB raise/DB 1 Arm Upright Row
S-5
W-5 R-15/W-15 R-10
W-5 R-15/W-15 R-10
W-5 R-15/W-15 R-10
W-5 R-15/W-15 R-8
W-5 R-15/W-15 R-12

WORKOUT 2
Back-Traps & Lats

Barbell Shrug
S-5
W-45 R-40
W-45 R-30
W-45 R-30
W-45 R-30
W-45 R-30

SUPERSET: Close Grip Lay Pull Down/KB Sumo High Pull/Standing DB Upright Row
S-4
W-100 R-20/W-20 R-15/W-15 R-5
W-100 R-15/W-20 R-10/W-15 R-7
W-100 R-12/W-20 R-12/W-15 R-4
W-100 R-12/W-20 R-5/W-15 R-0  😦

Wide-Grip Pull Down Behind Neck
S-8
W-100 R-15
W-100 R-15
W-100 R-15
W-100 R-10
W-100 R-12
W-100 R-12
W-100 R-12
W-100 R-16

Thanks for reading!
♤Brittany Luppy ♤

♤BRITTANY LUPPY♤

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