The Arkansas State Trooper left my hospital room.  I know the look on my face had to say it all.  I looked at my mother & apologized for the words I had used.  She understood why I would be so upset.  I mean, hell, I have been sober for a long time!  It was just insulting, but to know I was asked about something I knew wasn’t in that car made me livid.  I knew my friend wasn’t doing that kind of stuff,  & we sure as hell weren’t.  Sounds like a fishing expedition to me. 

I had just got telling my mother I wish I could be given a urine test to prove I’m clean when the next bad vibe came bursting in my hospital room.  In my mind I’m internally thinking what the hell?  More!?  I went to school for social work.  I know a child protective services worker when I see one.  Again, internal monolog kicks in, what fuck are they doing here!?  Poker face on, daddy raised a soldier.  I got asked about the meth again.  At this point I asked if I could please take a piss test.  I looked at my mom and said this is the only to make this proof worthy so this stops now!  They gave me my urine cup, & due to the iv fluids my bladder was full!  I filled that freaking cup up!  I slammed it on my table while holding onto my iv rigging that I had to roll everywhere.  He responds we will see in a few moments what you’re on in a snarky way, like he knew I was guilty.  Let me tell you, nothing better than knowing it isn’t going to pop for anything so you smerk your smile all the way through the wait.  Can you imagine the disappointment when it came back negative?  I give a chuckle and said get out of my room!  He snips back at me with a I’ll be back.  I respond, “I’m sure you will. ”


All I can say is wow at that point.  Does the picture above look like a family that lives that kind of lifestyle?  The nerve of those people.  I’m wondering where is all this meth talk coming from.  I begin discussing it with my mother, & she can’t figure it out either. 

To this day we have never figured out why the questions of meth was involved with this ordeal.  I can tell you it felt good to be able to say I’m sober and prove it! 

More questions remained in my mind.  As time ticked on I began to get more questions in my mind, & what I didn’t realize was so did my parents & my hubby’s mom. 


DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Troopers, Doctors, & Craziness O My!”


As I lay in the hospital bed staring at my mother letting the tears just roll down my cheek all I could wonder was why was my husband in jail? As any wife would, I went through my head just trying to find something that we had done that was so wrong. What had we done that was such a bad thing that resulted in him being in jail? Nothing came to mind because we have been living the right life. I still could not find my phone, but my mom did hand me my purse. Later on in this series you’ll find out the importance of me getting my purse in my hospital bed and where my phone was at.  I remember at some point while in and out of consciousness on opiates I was frantically searching for my phone and could not find it. 

I didn’t have much time with my mom alone before the Arkansas State Trooper walked in my hospital room.  No one likes to see a big brimmed hat of an Arkansas State Trooper walk in, but when it’s a female state trooper and you’re a female in the hospital bed you know you’re in deep doo-doo.  With my straight poker face on I was still racking my brain for what we had done that was illegal, and still nothing came up.  Cringing in pain the state troopers started asking me many many questions.

The first thing I get questioned about is the meth and needles found in the car. Now I want you to know something, my mother was in the room as I’m getting questioned and she’s a Christian woman.  The words I said in front of my Mama were very un-Christian like, but opiates kind of make you really blunt.  I told that state trooper that was false and I knew it was false! That there was no fucking way they found needles and meth in the car! I remember I just kept yelling fuck no I know there was nothing in there.  I even started demanding a urinalysis test right then and there! I looked directly at my mom and said give me that damn piss test! I know I’m clean!


My mom knew I was serious because of my repeated use of the forbidden F WORD!  Never had I spoke like that in front of my mother. Not to mention, I could feel my right eyebrow raising which meant she knew I was beyond pissed.  All I can say is thank goodness I was in so much pain I couldn’t move because I was livid!

I then start getting questioned about other items in our car by the Arkansas State Trooper.  I keep telling this dumb broad that it wasn’t our car!  It was my friend’s vehicle which belonged to his mother.  The trooper explains to me that she found a marijuana pipe and an empty pill bottle in the back of the car.  I calmly explain back to this dumb trooper that the woman’s car we were driving had stage 4 brain cancer so it was probably her’s.  The only answer I can give this Trooper is I don’t know. 

Finally the trooper exited my room. Never have I been so insulted! I had just mourned the loss of my family, and she had no regard for my emotions and no sympathy.  I’m all jacked up on all kinds of opiates, and you’re asking me some crazy questions about a car crash that I was asleep in when it happened!  Is this how you treat all your victims was what I was thinking. 

So one would think things couldn’t possibly get worse right? Oh how wrong you are…

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