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BRITTANY LUPPY UNCENSORED

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DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Troopers, Doctors, & Craziness O My!”

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As I lay in the hospital bed staring at my mother letting the tears just roll down my cheek all I could wonder was why was my husband in jail? As any wife would, I went through my head just trying to find something that we had done that was so wrong. What had we done that was such a bad thing that resulted in him being in jail? Nothing came to mind because we have been living the right life. I still could not find my phone, but my mom did hand me my purse. Later on in this series you’ll find out the importance of me getting my purse in my hospital bed and where my phone was at.  I remember at some point while in and out of consciousness on opiates I was frantically searching for my phone and could not find it. 

I didn’t have much time with my mom alone before the Arkansas State Trooper walked in my hospital room.  No one likes to see a big brimmed hat of an Arkansas State Trooper walk in, but when it’s a female state trooper and you’re a female in the hospital bed you know you’re in deep doo-doo.  With my straight poker face on I was still racking my brain for what we had done that was illegal, and still nothing came up.  Cringing in pain the state troopers started asking me many many questions.

The first thing I get questioned about is the meth and needles found in the car. Now I want you to know something, my mother was in the room as I’m getting questioned and she’s a Christian woman.  The words I said in front of my Mama were very un-Christian like, but opiates kind of make you really blunt.  I told that state trooper that was false and I knew it was false! That there was no fucking way they found needles and meth in the car! I remember I just kept yelling fuck no I know there was nothing in there.  I even started demanding a urinalysis test right then and there! I looked directly at my mom and said give me that damn piss test! I know I’m clean!

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My mom knew I was serious because of my repeated use of the forbidden F WORD!  Never had I spoke like that in front of my mother. Not to mention, I could feel my right eyebrow raising which meant she knew I was beyond pissed.  All I can say is thank goodness I was in so much pain I couldn’t move because I was livid!

I then start getting questioned about other items in our car by the Arkansas State Trooper.  I keep telling this dumb broad that it wasn’t our car!  It was my friend’s vehicle which belonged to his mother.  The trooper explains to me that she found a marijuana pipe and an empty pill bottle in the back of the car.  I calmly explain back to this dumb trooper that the woman’s car we were driving had stage 4 brain cancer so it was probably her’s.  The only answer I can give this Trooper is I don’t know. 

Finally the trooper exited my room. Never have I been so insulted! I had just mourned the loss of my family, and she had no regard for my emotions and no sympathy.  I’m all jacked up on all kinds of opiates, and you’re asking me some crazy questions about a car crash that I was asleep in when it happened!  Is this how you treat all your victims was what I was thinking. 

So one would think things couldn’t possibly get worse right? Oh how wrong you are…

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DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Hall of Memories”

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I remember grabbing my beautiful daughters hand. After grabbing my daughter’s hand, I passed out into unconsciousness. What I’m about to tell you I saw I cannot tell you for sure if it was a dream or something of a higher power.

Somewhere between the ride the ambulance & being put in the ICU, I had a dream.  I’m not going to sit here and say I saw my body and I was above it. Nor did I ever have any visions of my loved ones around me or anything of that nature. 

I was in this very long corridor. The corridor was not creepy or uncomfortable. The corridor was filled with happiness, compassion, and unconditional love.  Some of the psychological community would say that it was my consciousness coming through in my dreams. Some of the faith-based world would say I had a near-death experience. I don’t know what I saw. All I know is I can explain what I saw.

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I was walking down this corridor and all around me were hologram like videos of happy moments in my life.  My wedding, the birth of my daughter, moments with my mother and my father, laughter between my loving husband and I, and all the silly moments between my daughter and I we’re playing all around me as I walk down this beautiful corridor.

The corridor begins to slowly fade into a mist.  There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and I keep just moving forward to it. I knew I needed to keep walking because I could slowly see someone coming in the distance.   As I walked towards this beautiful light I take in the beauty which is around me. The beauty I see is nothing in comparison to anything I’ve seen here on Earth. The feeling of being in this majestical place gave me such peace.  I see a face on the person coming to me in the distance.

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It’s my bub, Jason Wakeford!  I’m so excited! I waited so long just to see him & talk to him. Since his death, it has felt like half of me was ripped away.  I ran to him because all I want to do is give him the big bear hug I was always used to in the past.

He stops me and says come no further.  I am crying saying I just want my bub bear hug!  He tells me to come no further, for to hug him would mean for me to leave behind a life I was not through with yet.  He speaks of my daughter & my husband, whom was his best friend.  He told me they needed me.  I didn’t understand, but I knew he was always right so I did as I was told. 

I then came to in the hospital room.  Trust me when I say, “I came back to what?”  I awoke not remembering anything!  All I knew is my left shoulder was toast!

DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “Awaken To My Worst Nightmare!”

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I never sleep in the car.  Whether it’s my control issues we all know I have or my fear of something happening while asleep, but I have never fallen asleep in the car with my husband driving in the 13 years we have been married!  This is the one time I fell asleep, but it was late! 

I had not been asleep long when the inevitable happened.  My husband had crashed the car, but I will not find out till later as to what happened. 

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Since I was asleep I have no clue to what happened.  During the crash, I for the first time ever, got knocked out.  I want you to note here I have taken some blows to my head, but never once knocked out! 

I was not told this till later, but when my husband pulled all of us out of the car he layed me beside my best friend.  My best friend said that he was sure I was dead because my eyes were as big as quarters and not blinking. 

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I remember coming to on the side of the road.  My first initial thought was where is my daughter.  My best friend was to my right moaning in agony from broke ribs, a punctured lung, & broke back.  To my left was my daughter & she could talk to me so I knew she was at least semi-ok. 

The only humor here is: during the EMTs cutting off my clothes I was so out of it & could barely hear, that I fought them.  I wasn’t about to let them cut off my Victoria’s Secret bra I had gotten a week before!  I paid $80 for that brand new bra!  My $300 Guess Jeans!  Hell no! Then I’m back out in blackness.  I awoke to being naked on the side of highway 62 in Arkansas.  Loading into the ambulance I looked for my daughter & beside me she was, so I grabbed her hand.  Her hand so soft & angelic!  Comfort!  My baby! 

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I was aware of all that was happening or so I thought.  I fell asleep in the ambulance. 

DERAILMENT TO GOALS: Car Crash “A Series of Unfortunate Events”

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As we head down the road with one headlight, somehow we got turned around. Please, let’s not forget we are flatlanders not hillbillies. We head the wrong way going back to where we just came from. It was very dark outside because there’s no lights in the hills & woods. We had 1 headlight trying to navigate these winding hill infested roads.

My husband looked down to his phone to pull up yahoo maps, & swerved across the double yellow lines in a small town we were passing through. Of course, here comes the lights and sirens. The officer pulls us over asking for all our identification. As we hand him all the id’s; he then pulls my husband out of the car for a sobriety check. A sobriety check was to be suspected seeing as he crossed a double yellow. After passing the follow the light game, the stand & count game, & 2 breathalyzers later he was deemed completely sober. My husband then preceeds to ask the officer how to get back to the bootheel of Missouri. He let’s us know we were heading the wrong way, & tells us which way to go. So again the four of us push onward to our journey home with 1 headlight on a Chevy Malibu.

Somewhere along the way, I fell asleep in the car unbuckled. I never can sleep in the car for fear of a wreck while I am asleep. I will also confess a small part of that is a biproduct of me being so controlling about making sure I’m awake to yell at the driver if I get my butt hole puckered.

PERSONAL DIARY: Family Scare

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May 2, 2016

I hit the gym hard today.  Yesterday’s accomplishments were amazing so today was delts!  Half way into my Rob Bailey playlist I recieved a phone call from my hubby saying my daddy had been trying to reach me.  So I immediately call him, ceasing all training at that very moment.  I was told Mama requested my presence at home.  So I rushed over.

Once there I walk in and she looks horrible!  I take her spo2, hbpm, & BP constantly.  I took a dehydration skin test.  Instantly I knew she was dehydrated.  My dad & I tried to get her to sit up.  Her vertigo was so bad, the sitting up motion made her vomit.  The part that hit me hard as a daughter, was the fact I had to help hold her up to puke. I for the first time saw her as old, kind of  like I had done as a young girl with my own mother helping my grandmother.  It was a major shock to me to see her that way.

My dad was scared & in no position to make decisions because of his concern for my mom; so I decided to make the decision to get an ambulance.  My mom didn’t want 911 called because last time some woman who owns the Facebook group “The Clink” put it out in the group because she heard it on the scanner.  So my dad offered to drive down the street to the ambulance station.  I told him let me go and him stay with her.  As I’m exiting the front door I thought I could drive or run.  I decided it was quicker to run.  I run 5ks, so why not!  So I ran, I don’t know if it was adrenaline or what, but that was the fastest I’ve ever ran. 

The ambulance arrives, no lights or sirens. The EMTs could get the stretcher down the hallway, but could not get it into her bedroom. So they had to pick my mom up by her bed sheet and place her onto the gurney.  They wheel her out the front door and place her in the ambulance.

My dad in the meantime is frantically trying to get dressed and get her things together. He did not know what pants or shirt, makeup, and other female items to get her. So I got all the items together and pack them for him.

As my father and I start to walk out the front door I hear him say something that absolutely broke my heart. He exclaims one of these days we’re going to be taken away and one of us won’t be coming back. He then proceeded to tear up. I let him have his space , and we both parted ways and I went back home to get my husband and daughter while he went to the hospital. 

We went to the hospital & met my dad. As of now the cause is unknown, and I’ll continue to pray.

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PERSONAL DIARY: The Guy That Grunts To Get Attention In The Gym

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May 14, 2016

My husband had planned on helping my sister move her stuff into her new home in Jonesboro, Arkansas today.  So me being the PR person I know I can be decided to also plan ahead to work.  We all know my work consists of training mostly, so I decided to go to the gym my husband & I visited together before we were married.  I send out a notice via Facebook I was going to train not thinking much more about it.  I just wanted someone to train with was why I posted it, lame I know right!

As we roll into Jonesboro I see my alumni, my old school, where I got my college degree, Arkansas State University!  O! The fun my family had there at tailgates & football games.  I’m at the same moment preparing myself for what I’m about to have to do.

As I roll into the parking lot of the gym; I look at the huge building in front of me, and it is somewhat intimidating due to the fact in our small hometown gyms don’t look like this.  It’s not like I haven’t been in this gym a million times before, but it still intimidated me.

I first go in the women’s only weight room just to get adjusted. I do my stretching and a few machine weights in that room alone. I then noticed something funny to myself; 4 girls have trickled in, in the time I have been in this woman’s only weight room.  Out of the four girls that were in the weight room while I was in there two remained when I left.  The first girl did each machine for 5 seconds then left for the women’s locker room never to be seen again. I wondered to myself how could she possibly have gotten anything accomplished so I assumed I would see her again at some other part of the gym.  Another girl entered and she was in there approximately 10 minutes. I did pass judgment on her thinking the same as I did before with the other lady. Have you know, the second lady I met in the lady’s room, was up in the coed machine weight room. So I was wrong for passing judgment on her period she was there doing the same thing I was. Again, the second lady who entered the ladies locker room with me, was in the cardio area when I was up there. The girl that was on the machines for five seconds each time was never to be seen again.

I make my way down to the coed free weight room. Note I am the only female in this entire area. Given! that most gyms I visit, there’s always that one guy who wants to try to help you because he thinks you know absolutely diddly-squat about anything. I’ve become the queen of bitchery, so I always have a witty sarcastic comeback.

Most of the guys left me alone in the coed free weight room. But yet there’s always that one guy who seems to need to grunt like he’s constipated trying to pass a brick every time he lifts a weight.   Now I’m here to tell you he was grunting  excessively!  It wasn’t because he was actually putting out maximum effort, but rather he was trying to grab my attention.  Note again, had he been hot I could have tolerated the annoying grunts.    So to avoid this annoying behavior, I moved to the other side of the free weight room to do a bit of rowing action.  Rowing is the one thing I can’t do in my home gym so I was taking full advantage of this machine.  Here comes up Mr. Gruntfest!  After eight sets of rowing action; I then move back over to where I was at on the freeweights on the other side of the room.  So while I’m doing plate rows he then follows me back over there where I’m at.  He was like a bad case of herpes that I just couldn’t seem to get rid of.  I leave and go upstairs to the cardio area to do some stair climbing.  Thinking I had gotten rid of my case of herpes.

My goal in the workout was 17 flights of stairs. Guess who shows up? Mr. Gruntastic himself.  It took me 5 minutes to do 17 flights of stairs. When I saw him step up on the treadmill next to me, I kicked the level of the speed up about 9 notches.  Then I left.

I did what I came to do. I lifted weights really well I was pleased with my work ethic. I enjoyed seeing the friends that showed up. I did not expect anyone to show up actually, but the fact people did show up just to train with me made me feel fantastic!

Gentlemen, I have one bit of advice for you in the gym. To get the ladies, don’t get behind her or beside her and grunt every time you left the damn weight.  To follow her around the entire gym says you’re a stalker.

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My Secrets To Crushing My Workouts

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VISUALIZE THE WORKOUT LONG BEFORE YOU BEGIN IT!

The intensity of my workouts demand a lot from me.  Not everyone’s workout will be as hardcore as mine, but no matter your level of exercise or fitness, the same focus I use to my workouts will also apply to you.  Your normal day to day life can never prepare you for the type of workout you will get results from. 

I prepare for a tough workout 60 minutes in advance, but I recommend at a minimum of at least 30 minutes before your workout.  Whatever I do, I will not wait till I’m staring down the barrel of a gun (the weights) to get mentally prepared. 

As I walk into any gym I get invited to workout at, I visually prepare mentally to what I’m about to do.  I visualize why I am about to do the workout.  I think about the $10,000 I could win in 8 weeks.  I visualize the beast mode engaging within me.  Then last, but not least, I think about how I want to feel after I am done with the workout.  Do I want to be proud or disappointed is the the question in my mind. 

I figure I have 2 ways to look at a workout.  I can either do it because I have to or do the workout because I actually want to.  Which sounds better to you?  I have done both with all honesty.  No one will ever want to do a workout because they want to 100% of the time!

PREWORKOUT INTAKE TIMING IS CRUCIAL!

We have all seen gym attendees chugging the preworkout either in the locker room or in the gym right before their workout.     Then those people walk out into the gym & are prepared to bust it. Drinking a preworkout then is entirely to late. 

Let me explain why this is wrong.  The caffine & enhancers have not had time to kick in.  The label on most preworkouts suggest 30-45 minutes before your workout.  I personally take my preworkout 30 minutes before I begin my workout.  Mentally, from habit it, it helps me also put me in workout mode by drinking it. 

Sometimes I feel down to some medical issues, & I will eventually disclose those issues in time in future posts.  For me, taking my preworkout & giving it time to kick in is key.  Cellucor C4 is crucial to me being successful in the most intense workouts.  I feel it kick in when the Beta-alanine, & makes my hands & feet tingle.

You can get Cellucor C4 at Walmart, http://www.flexitnutrition.com, or @bodybuilding.com.

MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC & VIDEOS ARE A MUST!

Looking for something to do while in the locker room getting ready or mentally preparing? Looking for something to motivate you during your workout?  Looking for something to listen to as you mentally prepare while sipping your preworkout? 

I listen to Rob Bailey’s music on Bootheel Fitness’ Rap Playlist or Bootheel Fitness’ Motivational Playlist. Rob’s music has changed my life for the better & has personally empowered me.  Sometimes you just need a good motivational talking to!  The motivational videos on Bootheel Fitness’ playlist are another key to my fitness success.

Here’s the links:
BOOTHEEL RAP WORKOUT MUSIC: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8bFDSI4tDN0rC4BNyqz1x0QGVryhh5EU

BOOTHEEL FITNESS MOTIVATIONAL VIDEOS: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8bFDSI4tDN2MLATtMOcfAeCXes2uTglD

GIVE YOURSELF THE OPTION OF GOING BALLS TO THE WALLS!

My success was largely built by a few simple rules of ethics.  I operate by a few simple words.  The words speak for themselves.  My words of wisdom are: Consistency, dedication, sacrifice, resourcefulness, & disapline.  I will break down each word of wisdom in short.

Consistency in my training, my effective movements, my nutrition, & my living my life PERIOD!  My schedule is my best friend!

Sacrifice…. where should I begin.  I have sacrificed friends, family, and more than I care to ever explain.  If they bring you down or talk about you, they are not worth your time. 

Disapline was when I blocked family & friends because of unneeded drama.  If you aren’t bringing me up, you had to go!  When I did this act, I had nervousness, but once it did it,  I told my mom that it was like a 100 pound bag dropped off my back and I was free!  Disapline on nutrition, living style, & trainings should never be overlooked. 

Dedication is when life hands you those lemons.  What are you going to do?   Are you going to quit or are you going to say not today!  I have had derailments along my way that will all be posted eventually.  The key is if you get knocked down, by golly pick your ass up!  It might be 3 weeks later.  Reset & recover, then don’t let it stop you! 

Last is resourcefulness, & this is a key to not burning out!  The options of fitness never end.  Don’t burn out on 1 thing.  Variety is the spice of life!  A routine can kill sometimes.  Try at the beginning with something fun after your warm up.  A new exercise try is not only fun, but it is also educational. 

KNOW ALL YOUR NUMBERS!

Magic can happen for me when I do measurements.   I do my measurements once a week.  It makes me accountable to myself.  Not to mention, weight watchers success was the accountability by a number system!  I use my Bodyspace account for my tracking. 

ADD SOMETHING NEW ON 2 A DAYS OR THE MOST INTENSE OF INTENSE DAYS.

I add a cup or 2 of coffee in the morning.  Sometimes combined in my protein shakes for breakfast.  I use Cellucor’s C4 for preworkout.  Then multiple drinks made with Optimum Nutrition’s Pro BCAA Raspberry Lemonade drink mix.  BCAAs also help in the my delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS).

Be proud of what you achieve! You’re better than those not even trying.  You stepped in the gym.  Making fun of an overweight person at the gym is like making fun a an alcoholic at a NA meeting!

MY OPINIONS: “Skinny Shaming”

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When I think of skinny or fat shaming I think of an old Britney Spears song “Piece of Me”.
The link to the video:

I have never been one to support any type of shaming.  I never liked being called fat and I sure as heck don’t like being called skinny. 

When I was in highschool I was a very high quality athlete.  I was always small.  At 10% body fat, I weighed 100 pounds & could grab rim on the high school basketball goal in the gym.  I was solid muscle and a very small girl, but you could call me mighty mouse. 

When I had my daughter I was 180 pounds after birth.  I struggled to even look at myself in the mirror.  I felt as if I looked like a fat cow.  My hubby never made me feel anything less than a MILF.  I got called fat, was bullied on MySpace (2006), & eventually moved to Texas because of the bullying. 

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The picture in the top left, I thought I had seriously lost weight, & finally comfortable with wearing a bikini outside.  I was slip and sliding with my child when I hear a neighbor yell I’m a fat whore.  My daughter heard it.  I was completely mortified & pissed.  So I kicked in gear the start of my hard journey ahead. 

The top right I was making progress.  Never had anyone bother me for my weight then or in the bottom left picture (The 2014 Bezerker Mud Run), but the bottom right picture to the present time has been filled with skinny shaming. 

I lost millions of friends when I lost weight, & what was once not acceptable “fat shaming” has turned into “Skinny shaming”.  I have had people say I’m on drugs, anorexic, & so on.  To work so hard to look the way I do, it hurt to be told I was on drugs.

Even the “fat” (I prefer unhealthy) family members love to skinny shame.  So when I think if the song I think “She’s to big now she’s to thin”.

Why is it OK to call small petite people skinny & us small people aren’t allowed to say fat?  It hurts both ways, no matter how you say it!  Do you know why the person is skinny? Maybe the person is struggling with stress, PTSD, depression, a medical issue, ect.  Just like I wouldn’t know why someone is over weight, you don’t know why a skinny person is the size they are.  In my case, me being fat was because I was lazy, pure honesty. 

I want people to think before speaking, because unless you know the person personally you don’t know the struggles they are under.  Like mama always says, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

MEMOIR: THE UNIVERSE ANSWERED ME BACK

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This afternoon we had 2 waves of storms roll through.  Both storms had major lightening & beautiful rolling thunder.  The plains of the Missouri Mississippi River Delta creates thunder like I’ve heard nowhere else in my travels.  It seems to come and go and roll on and on in a rumble.  I love the kinds of storms with less severe weather, but lots of lightening. 

As the next wave of storms started to roll through.  I took the few minutes before it got bad to do yoga on my wooden front porch.  I let the wind blow into my face by positioning my body so it went directly into my body letting it embrace me and wisp my face.  I did a few easy poses.  I think I did tree, warrior, superhero, sun salutation, and so on.  It was amazing. 

I see lightening starting to flash while I’m in thanks, though my eyes are closed in meditation while standing.  As I say thank you, I got the most beautiful thunder boom.  It was as if the universe had said you’re welcome for the peace you just recieved. 

Honestly I was at peace.  I suffer from chronic anxiety.  Fitness helps instead of medicine for the anxiety, but meditation is where it’s at.  To me thunder is incredibly relaxing.  I want to sleep or meditate when I hear it.  This was a moment this evening I wanted to share with you all. 

Take a moment to soak in the small amazing things we often overlook. 

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